Guilt & Mourning

I'm feeling overwhelmed with guilt. We lost a family member this week and it's horribly sad. Though, she's been ill for months, suffering for the last couple, and I'm at a loss.

I guess we all grieve in our own way but I'm just so enthralled with my beautiful daughter and her 1st birthday & party this weekend that I'm really searching to find my "sad". I'm not sure if it's because this death was in a matter of "when" and not "if" for so long, that I've grown stoic. Truthfully, I find myself immensely sad that she's going to miss my daughter growing up and that my daughter will never truly know how much she was loved by this, wonderful woman. Those thoughts bring me to tears. But, I mostly feel relieved. I know that she doesn't hurt anymore and that she is finally "okay".

Oh well. Thanks for reading.

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